Wednesday, January 14, 2009
MARSHALL’S DOG JETT REVIEWS HIS LATEST BOOK, FLIPPING OUT
Authors are always looking for an early rave review to spark sales. So, who better to give me a 5 star review than my best friend? Mine is a Black Lab named Jett. I gave her a copy of Flipping Out, and asked her to write the review.
As you can see, the bitch can’t type. It came out looking like this.
So I decided to interview her:
MK: So how did you like the new Lomax and Biggs book?
JETT: Can I be frank with you?
MK: I sleep with you. I feed you. I walk behind you and scoop up your shit. I’d say we’ve established a totally open and honest relationship. Go for it.
JETT: The new book — Flipping Out — it wasn’t that good.
MK: Really?
JETT: The Rabbit Factory was much easier to digest.
MK: How so?
JETT: The paper on The Rabbit Factory was primo. Absolutely delicious. And the picture of the rabbit on the cover just made me salivate like what’s-his-name’s dog.
MK: Pavlov?
JETT: No. Norman Untermeyer, the guy with that big slobbering St. Bernard. Anyway, The Rabbit Factory was 632 pages, and I devoured it in one sitting. Flipping Out is half that, and I couldn’t finish it. It was too dry.
MK: That’s an unfair comparison.
JETT: Marshall, please — don’t go all Author Defense Mode on me.
MK: No, you’re not being fair. You ate a first edition, hard cover version of The Rabbit Factory. The copy of Flipping Out I gave you was just an advance reader copy. It’s printed on cheap paper. It’s a promotional thing. The real book is coming out April 1. Hard cover. Professional grade paper stock.
JETT: Well, then you should have given me that one.
MK: All the reviewers get those cheapo advance copies.
JETT: Then they’re going to have trouble swallowing it.
MK: Jett, the people who get advance copies of my books don’t eat them.
JETT: I’m not a bit surprised. The binding on those things is all gluey.
MK: I’m totally bummed. You’re my dog. My constant companion. I was counting on you for a fantastic, over-the-top review. Can you at least give me a blurb I could use for the book jacket?
JETT: A blurb?
MK: You know, a few pithy lines that we can put on the back cover that will get people all psyched to buy the book.
JETT: I’m a Black Lab. We don’t lie.
MK: You don’t have to lie. When someone writes a 500 word review, even if they hate the book, the publisher can find a way to pull out a few phrases that make it sound like a rave.
JETT: And that’s honest?
MK: It’s the official accepted way of marketing any book.
JETT: Okay, I’ll give you a paragraph and your publisher can quote any part of it they want to use.
MK: Good girl.
JETT: Yeah, right. First get me a couple of those biscuits, will you?
Hey! So my friend Shelly (cool name, huh??) gets you to comment on her blog b/c I recommend your books to her and she names Rabbit Factory to her top 10 of 2008, so you leave this lovely comment on her site (which made her day), then you tell her if she wants an advance copy and is willing to review the new book on her site in April, she can have it. HELLO??!!!! I know I tried to hijack your FB blog and all, but can't a girl get a break?!! I'd love an advance copy and I will gladly put a review of the book on my site, too. Okay, well I would have anyway, but the longer I don't have to wait for #3 the better. Just sayin'.
PS - Sorry that first sentence belongs in the Run On Sentence Hall of Fame.
Man's best friend, huh? What is it they say about "out of the mouth of babes and black labs comes ...?" 9 times out of 10 I'd say it isn't the truth but some sort of slobbery thing that may have once been a zwieback. Whatever happened to zweibacks? I used to love those suckers and then I hit this age (which I'm guessing was 17, I don't know I was drinking heavily back then) when "the zwei" just wasn't cool anymore. MK, I hope you're not resting on your book-finished laurels and have begun work on the next one.
Dan H posted on January 16, 2009 12:52 PM