Monday, May 25, 2009
WHAT’S THAT MOUSE DOING IN MY DOG’S WATER BOWL?
Today’s topic is something I know absolutely nothing about. Punctuality.
I’m never on time. No matter how hard I try, I’m late for everything.
Some of you might say I just don’t care enough about the people I’m supposed to meet. I like to think it’s that I care too much about the people I’m with to tear myself away.
Back when I was an advertising Creative Director, my boss suggested that my habitual lateness was causing logjams and offered to hire a Time Management consultant for me.
I interviewed three different candidates. I got off to a bad start with the first one. I was half an hour late to the meeting. Ultimately, the woman I hired taught me very little about time management, and a lot about planning for the future. In fact, she helped me plan how to get away from the agency that was paying her consulting fees.
Since then I’ve talked to several people (professionals and do-gooder amateurs alike) about my bad habit. They all agree that I don’t plan, and I always bite off more than I can chew.
If have to leave the house in five minutes, I’ll tell myself I have plenty of time to check my email. Then, by the time I check it, answer the one that absolutely can’t wait, find my keys, go back upstairs for my cell phone, grab a bottle of water for the road, and get the car going, it’s taken 17 minutes and my five minute window is shattered.
So lately, I’ve tried even harder. Five minutes to get out? I don’t check email. I grab my car keys and the phone rings. I check caller ID. This is a call that absolutely can’t wait. Are you picking up on the pattern?
A few weeks ago, I had an important appointment early in the morning. I set the clock, and gave myself plenty of time to get up, shower, feed the dog, grab some breakfast, and get on the road.
I swore to myself — no email, no phones, no distractions of any kind.
The clock rang; I got up, and went downstairs to feed Jett. And guess what? There was a dead mouse floating in her water bowl.
In the country a mouse in the house isn’t unusual. The exterminator leaves bait for them. They eat the bait, and then get so thirsty they have to go outside to look for water, where they die.
This little critter never made it outside. He found an oasis in Jett’s water bowl. But there was only so much he could drink, which is why he was floating there on the morning I swore I wouldn’t be late.
Emails can wait. Phone calls can wait. Rotting bloated rodent cadavers gotta go. Isn’t that what caused the bubonic plague?
I went back upstairs for some shoes and a HAZMAT suit. I came back down, gingerly picked up the bowl, carried it outside, careful not to splash wet mouse cooties all over the house, and dumped poor Mickey in the woods.
Then I washed the bowl. Not rinsed. Washed. With soap and hot water. Then I refilled it, and gave Jett fresh water.
I could swear the sink had traces of mouse hair, so I cleaned and disinfected it. Then I washed my own hands. Wet, lather, rinse, repeat. Then I rubbed them with Purell. And just to be safe, I Purelled the sink.
Finally I had to call my wife to tell her how my day was going.
I was 25 minutes late for my appointment.
The moral: The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.
So how about you? Ridiculously early? Obnoxiously punctual? Or blissfully late?
Marshall posted on May 25, 2009 9:11 PMI appreciate your characterization of the tardy & punctual. I often feel like those who are always on time are just doing it to stick it to me. On the other hand, I'm annoyed to distraction by those (ahemMyParentsahem) who are habitually wherever, whenever.
Personally, I painfully ride that line of always *trying* to be on time and therefore always stressed about it and frequently failing miserably and stressed about that. Oh yeah. I'd be ready to blow, but that sounds like effort.
Also? Dogs eat their own barf & poop. And others'. And dead stuff they find. I'm thinking Jett's pretty pissed at you right now. Just sayin'
harmzie posted on May 25, 2009 11:07 PMThis sounds like a funny made up story.Is this for real? This is the first time I have ever and I mean EVER looked up a writer on the web. I have just become a fan of James Patterson,though I have read 2 or 3 of his books over the years. As for Marshall Karp, I had never even heard of him.
Flipping Out sounds like a good read, and if I see it in the store I will probably buy it.
First time commenter,is that a word?
See You At The Book Store!
This sounds like a funny made up story.Is this for real? This is the first time I have ever and I mean EVER looked up a writer on the web. I have just become a fan of James Patterson,though I have read 2 or 3 of his books over the years. As for Marshall Karp, I had never even heard of him.
Flipping Out sounds like a good read, and if I see it in the store I will probably buy it.
First time commenter,is that a word?
See You At The Book Store!
I'm not obnoxiously on time, I'm obsessively on time. I get that icky feeling when I think I'm going to be late.
Just got Bloodthirsty from Recorded Books (you know I can't read), and I'm going to start on it tonight.
By the way, I imagine you as having Mike Lomax's voice, which is really that narrator dude. I wonder what you REALLY sound like?
Suzannah Banana
Suzannah posted on May 26, 2009 4:01 PMBeing late, or the thought of being late, makes me anxious and uncomfortable. I tend to be the person who shows up early but then has to pretend I didn't so I don't look like a total geek. Having a kid has totally ruined my ability to be on time, though. It's something I'm adjusting to but I don't see it as a lifelong thing.
Shelly posted on May 27, 2009 7:59 AMFinally. I male bloger older than me.
Audubon Ron posted on May 28, 2009 4:23 AMFinally. I male bloger older than me.
Audubon Ron posted on May 28, 2009 4:23 AMOkay, now that I read this post. Try this simple test. If you can’t sleep at night and get up at 3:00 a.m., yeah like I’m doing now, fix a pot of coffee. Drink a cup. If you start getting sleepy you’re an adult with ADD. Yeah, like me right now. The lateness for appointments, OCD are prisms of this – careful now, it isn’t a disorder, special condition. The only real 100% cure is avoid life completely. Either that or don’t make appointments.
Now carefully answer this question. Are you sure you didn’t touch the mouse?
I'm obnoxiously early for everything. I have an internal clock, and give myself plenty of time for any unexpected scenarios. It's good for work, but irritating when I make plans with people who tend to always be blissfully late.
Brittany posted on May 28, 2009 12:36 PMOk, this is so funny! I wish I could be like you however you saw living proof of my obsessive compulsive ways. You held in your hands the itinerary that revolved around our night of meeting you. Nuff said!!!
Just let me know what you need scheduled and when and it's on its way-LOL! We can probably help each other. :)
Late? Not in my vocabulary -- I'm always exactly 5 minutes early. I don't know why - I don't know how - just always 5 minutes early. Plus, someone has to be there for the grand entrances of the late comers. I've got the smirky smile and slight nod of the head down pat. ;-)
Sam posted on May 31, 2009 8:41 AMOn time? You? I've been sitting over at BarnesandNoble.com waiting for a post on the Mystery Book Club since yesterday, so it's a comfort to know that certain things are irrefutable: the sun will rise on both mice & men, and Marshall will be invariably late.
bukkaoom posted on June 1, 2009 4:59 PMI'm always late, except when it's a deadline or anything business related. It's the family things I tend to be late for, mainly because I work from home and, basically, I'm always at work. So, unfortunately, I tend to let myself get caught up in work. Relaxing is harder to schedule!
Becke Davis posted on June 2, 2009 12:55 PM