Monday, November 9, 2009
40 YEARS AGO TODAY…
November 9, 1969. A rainy Sunday in Washington DC. I was standing side by side with a young girl I had known for only a year, and I was promising to love, honor, cherish, and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera for the rest of my life.
Actually, my young bride had decided to forego the traditional wedding vows, and she wrote her own.
As I recall, it went something like this: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you. Over and over and over…
It’s now 40 years later, and the two of us are still together. It’s what we set out to do, and yet when we tell people we’re celebrating our fortieth wedding anniversary, most of them are in awe. In some parts of Western culture, staying married for four decades is the equivalent of holding your breath under water for 40 minutes.
So we reassure them. They weren’t 40 wonderful years. There were maybe six great ones total. A day here, a day there — eventually it adds up. The rest of the time ran the gamut from excruciatingly miserable to supremely challenging to so-so. That’s what marriage has been for us. A series of high highs, low lows, and lots of middles.
We wanted to do something memorable to wrap up the first 40 years, and we thought about renewing our vows. Instead, we decided to max out our credit card and we flew to the Bahamas for a first class weekend.
It was terrific. But all that luxury came to a crashing halt at noon today — our actual anniversary — when we ate lunch at the only eatery in the Nassau Airport — Café in the Clouds. It was more like Café in the Sewer.
And now we’re home. All ready to give it a go for 41.
Looking back, I wouldn’t change a single moment of the past 40 years. Well, maybe I’d change one thing. We should have brought a box lunch from the hotel instead of eating greaseburgers and flies at the airport.
So how about you? How many years (or how many times) have you been married? And do you think it’s odd for two people to last for 40 years?
Marshall posted on November 9, 2009 8:49 PMHappy Anniversary!
I'm on marriage #1, 6 years, feels like 60. Just kidding (mostly). My great grandparents were married for 70 years. That freaks me out. 40 at least sounds doable, 70 sounds more like a prison sentence.
Shelly posted on November 9, 2009 9:47 PMCelebrated 10 wonderful years of marriage this past April (been together for 12 years total). We are still ridiculously, deliriously in love and constantly amazed at how well our Venn diagram overlaps. I can only hope to be so lucky as to have (at least) another 30 years together.
Happy Anniversary! :-)
Elizabeth posted on November 9, 2009 10:06 PMMazel Tov, Marshall!! You're very lucky! I'm on marriage #2, together almost 32 years and believe that marriage gives you good odds that someone will be on the other side of the door when you put the key in the lock and will ask how your day was. Even stick around for the answer when you say the day sucked. But that goes both ways....
Eiya posted on November 9, 2009 10:39 PMCongratulations to you. I am happy, not so happy sometimes, to say I am going to be married to the same guy for the past 42 years, come this January. Like you, we have had many ups and downs and now we just coast along. We have a t.v. in each room so we no longer argue over what to watch. We have figured out many problems and solved them, keeping us in a perpetual state of bliss. Here's to you!!!!!
Ellen posted on November 9, 2009 10:43 PMI'm half way there; 20 years in January. Congratulations!
M&Co. posted on November 9, 2009 11:34 PMHappy anniversary, and congratulations! I relate very much to how you summed up marriage. My husband and I are still on our first marriage, 18 years this past July. I don't think it's odd to have a marriage last for 40 years, but it does seem to be becoming more rare.
wyo posted on November 10, 2009 7:25 AMForty years is fabulous! We're working on twelve years---it's hard work, but the good days make it worth it. I heard Garrison Keillor say the other day that God invented marriage so we wouldn't have to fight with strangers ; )
Amy posted on November 10, 2009 8:08 AM22 and counting. My wife and I have both been married three times and all three times were with each other. No divorces, she just likes ceremonies.
Mike
22 and counting. My wife and I have both been married three times and all three times were with each other. No divorces, she just likes ceremonies.
Mike
Sorry about the double click.
Mike
Congratulations for both of you having the fortitude and courage to make it work for forty years (and beyond).
I think forty - and seventy - years is entirely doable once people accept that happiness isn't dropped in your lap, it's a decision you make. Too many people expect that happiness is something that happens to you. Nuh-uh. You have to work at it.
harmzie posted on November 10, 2009 9:58 AMCongratulations! 40 is a wonderful milestone, one that does seem rare these days. My hubby and I have been together 28 years and we're looking forward to many more. I believe the marriages that last are the ones where the couple truly realizes there will be days that are great, good, mediocre, bad, and horrble. The ups and downs of life together are better dealt with together.
Mo posted on November 10, 2009 12:53 PMCongrats to you and Emily, I agree that a marriage is a journey- Somedays you get blisters and somedays you are light on your feet. Understanding that the paths you take are shared, makes the travel an adventure worth while. Gus and I celebrated our 30th Anniversary this year. Somehow those blisters heal and we joyfully carry on with that track called life.
Priscilla posted on November 11, 2009 12:56 AMWe just passed our 38th milestone, it’s been a fun ride. Just think how boring it would be without those bumps in the road, the crossroad decisions to go right or left (as I always say, “If nothing is going right --- go left”), watching out for the curves ahead or enjoying the scenery along the way with someone you love being with. There’s no road map for this journey, but after 38 years (with no trade-ins -- although that “trade the clunker in” rebate did raise an eyebrow), there’s still some tread left on those tires to help carry the load.
Sam posted on November 12, 2009 9:14 AMI just celebrated 9 yr and am grateful for everyone of them... the bad ones too!
congrats to you!!!